Every Story Has Two Sides
Happiness in the Ever After
C. NaTasha Richburg
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Every Story Has Two Sides
Copyright 2010 by C. NaTasha Richburg
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The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright © 1993-1996, 2000-2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission (www.Lockman.orgwww.Lockman.org ).
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984. International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of International Bible Society. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of International Bible Society.
ISBN: 978-1-4524-8455-6
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Thank You
It is my prayer that relationships between generations afford a new understanding
for all of us.
It is not the “us” versus “them” scenario that makes us stronger; it is the “we” scenario that propels us all into excellence.
I thank God for all of the people in my life who contributed to the path I walk with CNR Ministries.
To people of all ages who celebrate this ministry, THANK YOU.
Contents
1. Introduction
2. Happiness in the Ever After
3. One Bag and One Hour
4. Mentality
5. Move On
6. It’s Not That Serious
7. In Search of My Pop
8. Mother’s Day
9. “The Ministry of Presence”
10. My Space Does Not Endorse Foolishness
11. You Without Sin
12. A Passion For More
13. Left Out Again
14. The Struggle
15. Your Name is in the Pot
16. Poetic Expressions
17. The Old, Old, Story of Jesus and His Love
18. About the Author
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light. - Ephesians 5:8, NIV
Introduction
A strong relationship with God will reflect positively in your one-on-one relationships with others.
“For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.” (I Timothy 2:3-4, KJV)
God is open to having a personal relationship with each of us. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. God is the other side of our personal story. He knows what we know before we know it ourselves. Before we can effectively work through our issues, problems, and concerns with others, we must first seek God’s perfect guidance in our imperfect lives. It is the desire of many adult children to leave from under the umbrella of their parents’ and guardians’ control to move toward a life that they perceive will be without limits.
As you begin to partake of the lessons in this book, ask God to open your mind and free it from the traditional way of thinking. Allow God to be the Judge of every situation in your life and prepare to embrace the learning opportunity. The more effort you put into this new way of thinking, the more this knowledge will positively expand your thought processes. Open your mind and experience both sides of each lesson.
For the purposes of this book, a parent is the person or community who participates in the upbringing of a child to adulthood. The adult child’s age may, in some cases, start at sixteen and extend to that point where he or she is completely living independently of his or her parents. - C. NaTasha Richburg, Woodstock, MD
Happiness in the Ever After: God’s Way is Right
“An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.” (Titus 1:6, NIV)
Introduction
The decision to walk with God should be in the forefront of a Christian’s life. Temptation does not go away and hide simply because we decide to do right. Relationships are very difficult to manage no matter who is involved in the relationship.
In order to handle relationships effectively, we must first understand our own personal weaknesses. We all need to do what is necessary to overcome weaknesses that impede positive relationships. If your weakness is the temptation to indulge in sexual relationships outside the boundary of matrimony, make sure you avoid compromising situations. In other words, having flirtatious discussions with a member of the opposite sex and thinking such an exercise is harmless could result in an affair of the heart–which is still an affair. If your temptation is drinking, do not go to places where people indulge in alcoholic beverages. Understand your weaknesses, call them out, and do not feed them.
The Present
Story
On the beach of Ocean City, Maryland, Dallas and Joy gazed into the sunrise with gratitude for the afterglow of their union. It is the day after their wedding. It is seven years after they gave birth to their son, Israel. They awaken on the day after their honeymoon, which is the first day of the eighth year of their relationship. Six years of drama directed the course of their destiny. It is a destiny fulfilled, controlled by the winds and the waves of imperfection navigating toward perfection in God’s love.
The light on their faces revealed the tears that streamed down as they both thought of Mama. Mama, though gone home to be with the Lord, had prayed for this union. For many years, Mama laid her burden before the Lord, looking for peace to guide the life of her grandson, Dallas. Mama comforted Joy when Dallas could not comprehend life off the streets, away from his boys. For many years, Dallas had trouble accepting the fact that he had fathered a child: a son–a seed–a reason to do better.
Mama had taught Dallas not to touch the tears that ran down his face because that is God’s way to clear away the troubles of life. In harmony with Dallas, Joy did not touch her tears either. Mama always said, “Tears are the salt that cleanses the face only to evaporate into the heavens to heal our fears. Wiping tears would defer God’s release.” No longer trapped by drama’s clutches, Dallas is free to live, free to love, and free to worship the God of his salvation.
In this first day of their eighth year, Dallas and Joy’s marriage represented a commencement—a new beginning. The sands of the beach reflect the cool drama-less life celebrated by love, passion, commitment, determination, and stick-to-it-ness required by an elder of the church, called out to be an armor-bearer for church leadership.
Family and friends returned home nursing the afterglow of the wedding reception in which God stepped in to provide a new level of worship. Collective prayers of new beginnings followed them on their honeymoon and rested into their spirits in the union of their marriage. Two souls intertwined, engaged in the midst of heavenly bliss, only to exhale in unity as they witness the morning sunrise.
Waiting in the balance, like a lion studying potential prey, Kasha is still up to her old tricks trying to get Dallas off balance, out of sync, and side-tracked so she could avail herself of his nectar with villainous intent. For Dallas, however, those days are over. He wants to be a valiant man of God, positioned to do right. Dallas requested to be the armor-bearer for Brother Michael because he is an upright man of God. As long as Dallas stays before the Lord and stays in the presence of people with honorable intentions, iron will continue to sharpen iron, and Kasha will not have a chance to attack.
Prayer
Heavenly God,
It is in the name of Jesus that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord. Almighty God and Ruler of all, we thank You for the love You have shown us in spite of all of our wrongdoings. We thank You for a second chance to get things right. Please forgive us for any unkind word, action, or deed that may hurt the feelings of those whom we meet. Bring Your loving kindness and peace into our hearts. Let those who meet us, see You. In the matchless name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
Reflection Question
“He [elder] must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.” (Titus 1:9, NIV)
How do you feel about individuals who flirt with elders of the church?
Dallas’ Vow
A chance to do right
A solider
Ready for God’s inspection
The dream to do right
Now I stand
I stand right beside you
You are the day in my dream conception
Visualized in my
Happily Ever After Reflection
Joy’s Vow
I love everything perfect
So perfect in your imperfection
The way you say my name—
Honey sweet
Morning reflection
All that was wrong
Made right by you
Visualized in my
Happily Ever After Reflection.
The Day in My Dream
I waited for you to get right
After I finished running in sin
Straight into the arms of Jesus Christ.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand
Praying for the father of my son to get ready
Ready to prepare and become a man.
A man geared up to stop street life
Clothed in blood-stained attire
Attire that represents Christ.
The Day in my Dream saved by grace
Received in Baptism
To run in the Christian’s life-long race.
The Day in my Dream I am so glad you are here
Our love abounds
Love that relishes Wisdom’s fear.
One Bag and One Hour
What your parents cannot teach you, life will.
“… Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.” (I Chronicles 16:22, KJV)
Introduction
There comes a time in every parent’s life when he or she starts to feel that the young adult child may not be as appreciative of the parental efforts as romance novels would have parents and guardians to believe. On occasion, adult children start to feel their oats and want to venture further out into the water without parental advice or guidance.
Unfortunately, some parents may make this discovery when the relationship reaches a dreadful crossroads. The parent must make a decision to accept or eliminate the disrespect served up by adult children. The decision to rectify the situation that brings discord to a family may require the dismissal of a loved one from the family residence. This is clearly not to say that this act of dismissal is required by all parents. This is a story of how Dallas’ mother handled the matter at hand.
It is important to honor our mothers and fathers. As adult children, it is also important that the house rules are followed. This can be an extremely sensitive issue for some adult children who are not raised by birth parents because some may feel the right to say, “You’re not my mother,” or “You’re not my father.” Still, they must give honor to the persons who provide shelter for them, as well as always respect the parents who gave them life. This is not an either/or choice; it is imperative to do both.
Eight Years Earlier
Story
Dallas was a star athlete on the high school football team. He had a six pack, rock hard, tall, lean body. His silhouette possessed deep brown, cat-like eyes, which appeared green in the sunlight. His pearly white smile orchestrated a poetic rapture of confidence that commanded attention. No one knew Dallas’ secret—Joy had captured his heart. Joy was his private girlfriend. Joy loved Dallas deeply. She accepted the fact that he was not ready to help her raise their child. Dallas had fans, public girlfriends, and his boys who were always with him.
Dallas’ grandma was “Mama” to him. Dallas was a son to Mama. Mama loved Dallas. He gave her a reason to wake up early in the morning and work hard to provide for him every day. Dallas was Mama’s peace in troubled times. Once very appreciative of Mama, Dallas started growing tired of being babied by her. For Dallas, Mama stopped feeling like warm summer salve on his freshly wounded knee. Mama felt like a nuisance to him. She started feeling more like a thorn in Dallas’ side, a nag, an old woman that needed to get out of his face, his way, and his life. Mama needed to find a life of her own.
Their love grew into a strong tension between the two of them that there was nothing left to do but for it to explode. Dallas was really becoming frustrated because Mama was all-up-in his business trying to tell him what time to come into the house. As the self-defined “man of the house,” Dallas set his own hours. He could not understand why Mama was not getting with his program. Mama did not quite understand that in Dallas’ eyes, he was the man of the house. Dallas thought he was large and in charge, even though he was without a j-o-b.
Dallas’ behavior made Mama think she needed to do something different. All of her energy was directed toward her son who really could care less about her mothering. Mama began to think that maybe she should be more engaged in life outside of the house, outside of Dallas’ space. Mama started attending church after a long, long absence. She knew she needed to find something new to do because in Dallas’ opinion, how she mothered him had played out.
Even with the new direction in Mama’s life, Dallas put his mouth on her. He spoke to Mama any kind of way. He spoke to Mama in a way that broke her spirit and punched her soul with a left, then a right upper cut. Dallas was malicious with his mouth. He had no regard for the power embedded in the hateful words he used to fill the room. Dallas breathed poison. Dallas was killing Mama’s spirit. Dallas was a spiritual murderer. Dallas had to go.
Mama came home from Bible study one night enthralled by the Holy Spirit. She recited to the spirit of the air, “Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophet no harm.” Dallas told Mama that he liked who he was and was not going to change for anybody. Dallas was eighteen-years-old and a high school graduate. Mama gave Dallas one trash bag and one hour to collect all he could because he was no longer welcome in her house.
Mama loved Dallas with all of her heart, mind, and spirit, but the evil that came out of his mouth toward her had to go. With no desire to be respectful to Mama and her rules, Dallas had one trash bag and one hour to leave.
Prayer
Gentle, loving, all-knowing God, Thank You for the blessings that rain on the just and the unjust. Let Your love lead the life of those who seek Your presence. Continue to breathe life into the dead situations in our lives. Let us trust You and believe that tough love is right love, good love, and meaningful love. Bring peace in the middle of chaos. Touch our hearts and ears with Your love. In the precious name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
Reflection Question
“All the peoples on Earth will see you living under the Name of God and hold you in respectful awe.” (Deuteronomy 28:10, The Message)
How should you treat those who live in your household? Do you show them respect?
A Mother’s Cry
I give you too much power
to come through the womb
into my life
into my presence
into my dreams
into our residence.
I give you too much power
to celebrate happiness
through the resources
I worked hard for
Slaved day and night for
Prayed over my paycheck to pay bills for.
I give you too much power
to live by your own rules
your own schedule
your own way
to speak your mind clearly
come what may.
You feel like this is not your home
This is not your desire
This is not where your heart is.
Your heart is with your friends, far, not near
Friends not celebrated in their own homes
Like you are celebrated here.
I give you too much power
to hurt my heart by reminding me
That my home
Your home
Is where you don’t want to be
I give you too much power
Power that stings
Power that brings
Power encumbered in freedom’s rings.
You are released into adulthood
In an arrogant bliss to be Free
I thank you for the return favor
That allows me to be FREE.
Mentality
A specific mentality doesn’t reflect where you live, it radiates how you think.
“It's this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part.” - (Luke 6:42a, The Message)
Introduction
It is the desire of most devoted parents that their child is raised to be a respectable person who wants, desires, and strives to achieve the better things in life. Parents don’t intentionally sit down and say, “I think I will raise my children to disrespect others, murder, cheat, and steal.” Parents generally want what is best for their child. They want their children to succeed.
If parents train children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). However, parents do wonder sometimes what children are thinking. “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). If an adult child thinks like a thug, is he a thug? An adult child will sometimes have a mindset that does not reflect the teachings inbred by devoted parents. Parents must pray and petition to God that they eliminate negative influences that steer adult children into directions that are not always attractive.
Story
Joy was talking to a friend at church about how she and Roxie used to hang out together when they were younger. They would go to one another’s house. They would listen to music, both Gospel and R&B. They used to talk about:
Boys
Dreams of a better life
A life without fear
A life with abundant wealth
Stories in the Bible
They were the kind of friends, that when together, they appeared to resemble each other. They graced a likeness of sisters with the same mommy and daddy. They were, however, sisters “from another mother”—kindred spirits. They were two similar souls.
Joy and Roxie dreamed of life outside of the ghetto where the guys didn’t holler at them like they were a piece of meat. They longed to be in the company of the guys three blocks over or in the company of suburban guys who would take them out on a real date, just like the dates seen on TV. Those guys are not like thugs because thugs don’t date—they just chill. As fifteen-year-olds, both Joy and Roxie dreamed about guys who would take them to places outside of the ghetto where people dined on fine chicken placed impeccably on exquisitely designed china.
In their fantasy, Joy and Roxie reminisced that chicken in other neighborhoods outside of their own is not served hot in a box laced with salt-and-peppa-and-ketchup. The other neighborhoods have a place where communication with the store clerk does not take place through plexi-glass. In Joy’s mind, her cousins’ lives in a suburban neighborhood represents a place where happiness grows in abundance and money is not an issue.
Joy would also visit her favorite cousin, April, who lived on Applegate Street, which was one block down from Dallas’ house. Dallas lived in the heart of the city where the residents went to the best schools in the city. Dallas was one of the city’s top athletes and well-known by all people. Joy and Dallas had the most enjoyable secret relationship. She heard through the grapevine that Dallas was put out of his Mama’s house into the streets. Joy waited patiently to hear from him.
To pass the time, Joy visited her cousin on her father’s side, Kasha. Kasha was afforded the best in life. She lived in a six-bedroom house in a suburb of Baltimore. Kasha’s neighborhood had a lot of athletes and rich people living there. Kasha had it all. Kasha never had a personal ghetto experience.
Kasha fantasized about life in the ghetto. Kasha was so impressed by the hardness portrayed in music videos that she wanted to portray the hard lifestyle. Kasha wanted to be like the girls the thugs lick their lips at. She aspired to hang on the corner, do a little weed, sleep around with a six-pack-fresh-out-of-jail-hardbody. Kasha was known to creep. She wanted to be loud and say what she wanted, the way she wanted, to whom she wanted, and at any volume she wanted. Kasha wanted to be labeled “ghetto.”
Joy learned from being in Kasha’s company that it is not where you live, but where your mind lives, that determines whether or not you have a mentality that some might label “ghetto.” Joy said to Kasha, “Being raised in a housing project is where you come from, but learning to eat with the proper utensils is a sign of who you will become. Being raised in the housing projects gives you a choice: you can either keep your head in the streets or in the books. Where you put your head determines your mentality.” As a result of Joy’s recent encounter with Kasha, she wrote a new poem in her diary:
It is the mentality of the head that determines…
The behavior of one’s passion to deceive or achieve
If the mentality rules our rhythmic flow
It is the mentality of the life that will follow
Peace mentality is a state of mind…
War is the state of others
Mentality is not where you live…true
With personal character at state, what mentality rules you?
Joy, determined not to follow Kasha’s lead, wanted to become a fine lady. Joy’s secret is also laced with the hope that Dallas will become a valiant man of God.
Prayer
Wonderful, excellent, giving God,
Touch our minds to receive a mentality that is life-changing. Help us to understand and to know You better. We repent right now of all behavior that is not becoming of You and ask forgiveness in advance if we slip back into past negative behaviors. Bless this session. Bless the individuals who have taken the time to participate and rest in the newness of Your glory. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.
Reflection Question
“It’s this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part.” (Luke 6:42a, The Message)
What mentality rules your thought processes? Are you better because of it?
Move On
When sin comes into your home, rest in God’s unchanging hand.
“And we have known and believed the love that God hath for us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” (I John 4:16, KJV)
Introduction
There are times in our lives when God may disturb our circumstances because He wants us to move into a new direction. It is in the comfort zone of complacency where roots take hold and a major life disturbance must take place to shine light down a dark hole. Parenthood requires that the adult demonstrate love towards the child. At times, the love that must be demonstrated may be executed in a manner that will enable the child to grow. Growth sometimes causes us to be uncomfortable and experience pain. Though the parent has not thrown a punch, the love may feel tough to all parties involved. Tough love is not easy, but sometimes it is necessary to ensure the steady growth of a teenager or young adult child.
Story
Mama felt very badly that she had to ask her son to leave the house. However, there was something unique about this feeling because the move of the Lord was on her. Mama prayed to the Lord everyday because she felt she had no other choice but to put him out of the house. Dallas cursed at her, disrespected her, and emotionally hurt her. Mama did not have a choice. Trapped in her mind was the feeling of being a complete failure as a parent. The pain of putting her son out of the house cut deep into Mama’s spirit. The depth of the pain brought Mama back to the question “Why?” Why was the behavior of her grandson cutting so deep?
It is in the name of Jesus that Mama demonstrated tough love. Tough love made Mama push her baby out of the nest to become a man. She stayed on her face before the Lord during the entire ordeal. With a broken heart, she prayed. Only the grace of God gave Mama “hope” for a brighter tomorrow. God’s grace flowed easily through her spirit to resonate in the light of hope. Mama could see that Dallas had to leave so she would draw closer to the Lord. She needed to position herself and prepare herself to trust that the Will of the Lord would rest easy on Dallas. Dallas now found himself outside of his place of complacency—Mama’s house.