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A Guide to Life, Love and Living (and what comes after, and everything else inbetween) Book Three
Todd Daigneault
Smashwords Edition
(c) 2010 Todd Daigneault
Why more men are starting to stay home while their wives work
By Todd Daigneault
The concept of the wife staying home to raise the kids is now mostly gone. It is a woman's choice whether she has to stay home or not to raise her children. Through maternity leave, she has the paid ability to stay home, nurturing her child for at least six months. But she is free to work and do what she wants. Through an evolving society, mean are now more open to the possibility of themselves staying at home to raise their children, while their wife works. A pretty amazing shift in thinking from just a short while ago. But even some alpha males are content to be stay-at-home dads. This gives them an immense opportunity to bond with their children, and also to show love to their wives.
A man staying at home to raise the kids and keep house, while his wife works is becoming a rapidly growing concept that has moved from the abstract at warp speed to modern reality and thinking. He is indeed showing his wife that he loves her-giving her a chance to work and grow as a human being. Everybody benefits, and it is nothing but a 'win-win' situation. A husband know this-and also that his marriage will grow even stronger over time. This does not mean the husband becoming a permanent fixture around the house. He can work from home, take courses from home, and even work outside of the house part-time. Like his wife, he's not locked into it. Just that he made a conscious decision to be home while his wife works.
In large part, a kinder, gentler society helped pave the way for this. Additionally, with women moving up the work force into better-paying jobs, it can be very advantageous for the husband to keep house and watch the kids. Also, there may be cases where the husband is unemployed. These does not weaken the family core, and it actually helps to strengthen it. In time, a husband who chooses to stay at home will eventually decide to return to work full-time. Even if he does not, or only works part-time, he knows that he is very rich and blessed inside. A man who sacrifices, or puts his career temporarily on hold for his wife, is himself a grown and emotionally/psychologically evolved human-and he knows it.
Marriage: Top 10 ways to show love
By Todd Daigneault
Here are ten top ways (in no particular order) on showing love in a marriage:
Hold hands-show affection to your wife (or husband). Many couples are guilt of this. After so many years of marriage, the same spark and panache is not there anymore. Husbands are more guilty of this than wives. Certain 'Alpha male' husbands will try and act not married anymore, perhaps eyeing younger women, and making fools of themselves in the process. Over so many years of marriage, and having kids, and dealing with everyday stresses, wives may gain a little weight. With women's curvy breasts, hips and derriers to accentuate weight gain, some husbands may act like they are not married anymore, even though they are sporting a mid-life (or younger) 'spare tire', themselves.
Irregardless of the circumstances, and them being alpha males or not, partners should show their love for each other by holding hands, hugging and kissing in public. In other words, not leaving everything to 'date-night', when the kids are over at their grandma's house. Showing love through acts of simple affection go a long way towards a relationship lasting, instead of ogling people that may or may not be had. A marriage can be forever if there is enough love to empower it forwards. If it starts to degenerate into the husband (or wife) simply not caring anymore, then the marriage, itself, may be doomed.
Remember anniversaries, birthdays and other important dates connected to your blessed union. Keeping these dates as important, in your heart and soul, goes a long way towards showing your love. In other words, you are not taking your partner for granted. Show them you care by remembering all the important dates. Even if you are working hard, stressed to the gills, leave a reminder sticky on your computer, desk or blackberry as the day looms. Thinking of your wife (or husband) on important date not only shows your love, but highlights in such a positive way that your relationship can only grow through the years.
Show spontaneity and intimacy in your relationship-Make love on a regular basis. This is a common thing that can happen to many couples. After so many years, the sex, the spontaneity can be out of a relationship. It starts by going to 'date night.' Then goes down a slippery road of lesser and lesser sex. Part of the reason can be too much familiarity with each other, predictable sex routines, exhaustion and stress from work and kids and the such. Break up the routine. Do something completely different, sexually, with your partner. It doesn't have to be anything unusually kinky or bizarre. But altering the routine, role playing, trying different positions and places to do it keeps the spark, and therefore the love going in your relationship. Plus, try doing it more than once a month-or even few months.
Be thoughtful of your partner. Think of them and be their hero or champion. Show your love by keeping them always in your heart and soul. Do things for them. Be a husband or wife who cares-not just an old married couple who are sick of looking at each other, quietly cursing each other in the process. Doing things separately are okay. But taking their feelings into consideration, sacrificing for them is such a beautiful way of showing affection, feelings and intimacy towards your life partner.
Don't alienate their families and friends-Remember, when you marry your life union partner, in some ways you do marry their familes, and become part of their little worlds. Usually, you have to merge your little worlds with theirs. Although tension and problems do and can happen, unless there is good reason to, try and not alienate your wife or husband from the other members of their little circle. This can eventually have huge repercussions on your own relationship.
Have regular time to yourself periods. Effectively, don't smother or overwhelm your partner. Allow them to do separate things without feeling jealous or insecure. Time apart from each other helps to boost the feelings in a marriage-as absence makes the heart fonder. It helps to rechargee the 'love-batteries', through spending some time apart once in awhile. Don't spend too much time apart. Once in awhile, it is good to forget some of the minor to medium problems and stresses being together by being apart. It breathes new life into the marital union.
Have just you and her time together. Put aside work, family and the other everyday stresses and strains to take a walk together, maybe on a nice spring day or even during the summer. Take an hour or two to go to your favorite bistro, or do some antiquing. Whatever the case, quality time spent alone helps to bring the positive emotions to the surface, for there are minimal distractions, and a pleasureable environment to accentuate them.
Take longer periods of time away together. As an example, rent a room at a nice secluded B&B in the country for a few days, just the two of you.
Spend time with the kids. Show your love for each other by taking out your brood of 'latchkey' kids to a movie, dinner or even a family vacation. After all, your love for each other produced them. Taking your kids out for some family time shows that love to the world...and to each other.
Work out together. Try jogging and going to the gym together, instead of ogling and fantasizing over sometimes younger and more firmer sex objects.
How to stay cool in hot weather
By Todd Daigneault
A great way to staying cool is not to overexert yourself. Always, remember, high heat and humidity is going to exponentially increase your exertion rate. In other words, every few yards of walking is going to feel like a mile because of the stress on the body. We all know that just the simple act of walking outside, during a heat event, immediately takes a toll on us. But sometimes people forget, underestimate the intensity of the heat, overdress, and even jog or run during very hot times of the summer day. Let's start with jogging or running during hot days, connecting all the other dots along the way. We can't stop our workouts. But during the very hot days, it's very advantageous to us, who run, to very greatly consider going inside and work out in air conditioned health clubs or gyms.
Heat stroke is very common for runners. So, for runners staying staying cool, head inside to do your workouts, or wait till it cools down somewhat. The same can be applied for anybody even mildly exerting themselves during very hot days. It feels like a blast furnace outside. So, try and limit your exposure to the heat as much as you can. If you do have to do a lot of walking, after all it is summer and beautiful outside, dress lightly with heat reflective clothing. Look at the magnifying glass. Focus the sun and it burns through objects. But it's much harder through more lightly colored materials. A simple law of immutable physics: light materials reflect heat back; darker materials absorb. So heat reflective clothing can be white or something else more lightly colored.
Wear such materials, whether you are running, jogging or just walking. Baggier, less dense materials allow heat to escape. Tight shirts, shorts and other wear are going to lock the heat into your body, increasing your body temperature substantially. Baggier, lighter clothes are going to help dissipate the heat. If you have to run during very hot periods of time, try and do it when the heat has ebbed somewhat, or there's a nice breeze. Hydrate well-even if you don't feel thirsty. Between perspiration and other systemic processes, you are going to need a substantial amount of fluids to stay out of the 'red zone' of possible danger for a heat stroke, which can be very lethal. This author ran during what he initially perceived as lower heat and humidity, through his acclimatization, ending up with a moderate heat stroke..
Limit your physical exertion until you are more 'acclimatized' to the effects of heat. But still take it easy exerting yourself too much during much hotter days. Stay cool by following the basic steps laid out here. After a day out in the summer heat, take a cold shower or a lukewarm bath. This will help to bring down your body temperature, allowing you to sleep better as the day's high temperature, heat index and humnidity still rage on mostly unchecked through the night. Daily showers and baths also help to keep the body temp down. So, taking them two or three times a day goes a long way towards helping you to stay cool in hot weather.
You may also consider wearing hats to protect yourself against the heat. Also, don't forget about sunblock, and other protective measures against sunburn. Furthermore, try and keep yourself as healthy as possible through the summer-as heat will compound physical aliments and problems. If you have a heart condition, limit your activity in high heat. Nevertheless, enjoy your summer and have a good time!
Believing in ghosts By Todd Daigneault
Believing in ghosts? It definitely goes past faith, religion, and even ideals of a beautiful, idyllic plane of existence in what is loosely perceived as 'heaven'. A ghost is usually part of the subatomic particles that comprise the cells of living existence, controlled and driven by consciousness, which is eternal and perpetual. In other words, it is the energy of all life-the soul, the spirit, the essence-unable to be clearly and 'solidly' visualized from our dimensional perspective. Essentially, the soul becomes part of another dimnension, another reality-that we can't perceive from this dimension.
We are all part of atoms and other subatomic particles, irregardless of what plane of existence we reside in. But with the physical body gone, the 'astral-body', or soul are the subatomic essence of the body, vibrating too high for us to perceive, and effectively shift into another parallel-universe or quantum-reality. A dimension that is very close to the physical plane, but just beyond it, and outside of our Earthly plane of existence. This is the dimensional realm where all souls enter upon the seconds after death-a timeless realm that acts as a 'departure point' for other realms of existence.
The soul is effectively in a 'weigh station', ready to move into higher planes of existence: in effect, other quantum realities, vibrating at too high of a frequency to be seen by the naked eye. The spirit cannot move up because it is not at the right frequency, so it effectively moves through a naturally occurring 'wormhole', possibly triggered by the flood of energies of the spirit leaving the body. It then moves through the tunnel, assisted by deceased loved ones, spirit guides and masters into higher realms of existence, known loosely as 'heaven', but probably just a series of other quantum-realities, where no physical life exists; in effect, a 'homeland' for the deceased-where mere thought may shape reality. An unknown and 'unseen' country, where the dead live on-governed by cosmic laws-where time and space is eeriely distorted and warped into a timeless plane of existence.
Therefore, it is not just a matter of believing in ghosts, it is a matter of knowing that they exist, and offering some kind of scientific evidence on the whys, hows and what fors. Understandably, in that belief, it helps us to understand far more of our own existence: living and dead. For in that knowledge of a spirit and an afterlife, comes the knowledge that this existence is not the end. But even saying that doesn't even remotely suggest a mental reinforcement of an illusory afterlife, so we can accept death. Also, one doesn't even necessarily have to believe in a supreme being to accept the existence of ghosts or heaven. Spirits and the afterlife are part and parcel of a larger science that we are just barely scratching the surface of. It makes sense that there can be an afterlife, and an existence to go to after one dies.
Death is merely a transition from one plane of existence to another. With scientists proving the existence of multiverses, quantum realities and parallel universes, through their scientific theorems and analysis, it makes sense that one of these realities could be a "homeland" for the dead. The transition to this reality could be just very much natural phenomena, like 'dark matter' and the such. These naturally occuring wormholes to the plane of the dead were probably understood ages ago by wise masters and sages. Eastern mystics have great understanding of these "realities." Ages ago, it was understood by these very wise men of old and renown.
Going to this reality is just part of who we are. After all, we are all going to die. Whether we believe or not in the afterlife, our consciousness will survive death and exist outside the space-time continuum as a "soul" or "spirit." Essentially, this pure consciousness will naturally move through this wormhole, aided by deceased family, friends, spirit guides and acended masters. Some of us may even choose to reincarnate. Whatever the case, the soul and the afterlife definitely does exist.
Is Internet sperm donating the wave of the future?
By Todd Daigneault
With huge costs in dealing with the sperm banks, and scandals associated with some of them, such as less than scrupulous sperm dealers, Internet donating is certainly becoming a wave of the future. With the explosive growth in the Internet-almost everybody is on it-and accessing information as easily as punching in a few strokes of a keyboard. Through the vast hinterland of cyberspaces comes a plethora and literal multitude of sites dedicated to free sperm donating. These groups are growing in popularity, and many are being used as referral, or even on the much vaunted Craigslist. Such groups are usually run by ex-clinic, or otherwise sperm donors, and offer free membership and usage of the group's donor lists for sperm donating.
Although the groups are generally free, some costs may have to be carried by the woman seeking pregnancy, such as biological shippers, fuel and other transportation costs, accommodations, food and medical testing for STDs and STIs. However, the costs end up being a fraction of what the recipient would pay for sperm at the sperm bank, and to be inseminated through the fertility clinic. Costs like that can run as high as ten thousand dollars or more, and not always lead to pregnancy. These free groups on the web only charge a fraction of such costs and have such a high track record of success that they pose a real threat to the present and future existence of sperm banks.
As a donor and moderator of several of these groups, I have personally witnessed and experienced results that would make the sperm bank owners crimson with anger. Although far from being perfect, with some problems of their own, they offer a reputable and relatively safe process for recipients seeking an alternative from paying astronomical costs to sperm banks that are increasingly finding themselves in disrepute. With the moderators and group owners of these groups not making one cent off anything associated with the group, these groups present a golden opportunity for woman to become pregnant. Additionally, with a growing list of donors joining, the interested recipient has a huge resource to draw upon to help her out.
Plus, such groups cater to all women, irregardless of race, color, creed, and sexual orientation. Recipients can post ads of their own, seeking any type of donor they wish (or respond to ads placed by donors). This is amazingly convenient for those seeking to have a child by a donor. These groups are here to stay...and are a definite wave of the future!
Can love grow cold?
By Todd Daigneault
Certainly, love can grow cold...It can start like an inferno, and end in cold, soggy ashes. The reasons for this are many, but some of the main reasons are too much separation, too much time apart from each other. Sometimes it is a good thing for couples to not always be together: too much togetherness can smother a relationship. Couples do need time apart, from time to time, to sustain a relationship, to nurture a relationship. But too much time apart can cause a relationship to drift apart, to sour...to grow cold. Couples need love, affection and sex to keep a relationship going: to keep a relationship alive. A love will become an iceberg very quickly if the warm and hot embers fluttering, rising and falling in the fire-generated air currents suddenly and inextricably just die out, without any new embers to come-in a neverending cycle necessary to keep the relationship alive.
Time together is an absolute necessity, not with a couple sitting in bed reading their respective emails, or texting their respective friends, family or colleagues. Not just time, but quality time to not only keep the flow of embers sustained, but to generate a roaring inferno or conflagration once in awhile. Taking your significant other to a nice B&B, or more, but never much less once in awhile helps to show your love for him/her. Quality time is so critical to preventing a love from growing cold. Without it, you essentially have two people, who once really loved each other; still do, but are now very much drifted apart into two separate worlds. These two separate worlds become further and further apart from each other, until they are so alien to each other as to be unrecognizable.
Naturally, over time love may not be as intense as the beginning. Relationships don't change, but the love fuelling it may become a separate grade than before. Raising families, pursuing careers, dealing with siblings, relatives, friends and co-workers may create new priorities that take away from the intense love that started it all. Quality time together, and even saying: 'I love you...' more than just at anniversaries and other special occasions helps to keep a relationship alive: warm and with a pulse, rather than cold as ice. What helps even more is taking your partner into your arms, looking lovingly into their eyes and actually kissing them passionately on the lips. Having sex more than twice a month also helps. Couples also need sexual intimacy to keep a relationship going.
If the will and the effort is made to keep a relationship alive, it may not burn like it did in the beginning, but at least there will always be incandescent embers, from time to time, punctuated by brief, yet explosive cyclones of crimson and aqua-marine hued flames. A cycle that will keep your love going indefinitely. Grow as a couple, and two separate human beings, but never let the love die.
Tips to strengthen the love of a husband and wife
By Todd Daigneault
Love must be maintained and strengthened through the course of a marriage. Certainly, the love can morph through those formative years and beyond during the length of a marriage: family, friends and work can alter the love somewhat. But the core, and/or 'flame' of the love between a married couple should essentially remain the same. In many cases, it does not. Years of marriage can take a definitive toll; constant fighting over sometimes petty issues, sometimes larger issues-escalating and ultimately wearing down the marital foundations. With love increasingly being at a larger and larger premium, eventually the marital bond comes apart completely. This has happened to the best of couples, even those married for decades.
Love is essentially a foundation. Deteriorating relationships can erode that foundation as effectively as storms, wind and sand. Many couples start off happy and deeply in love. But somebody living with each other exposes both of them to their life partners, 24/7. This is where and when the problems start. A good first tip to prevent this is to show your wife or husband that you love them. As stated, over time the love does change in some of its basic tenets. But essentially you are still married and love each other-just not having sex all the time and dating each other with its 'afterglow', and giddiness through that early, unfettered love.
Showing that love, with a bunch of pre-teens or teens in the house is not always easy, with your kids rolling their eyes over your public shows of affection. Having regular sex, which replenishes the heart and soul, becomes complicated with everyday living as a married couple. Getting away is essential, and maintaining 'date night' is absolutely critical to keep your mutual love for each other going and becoming stronger over time. Intimacy, love and affection is a necessity to keep love strong and stronger. If it is not kept up, the flame can ebb and die. Cheating...and ultimately the dissolution of a marriage is ultimately a very strong possibility.
Marriages can end over many other reasons, too. But not showing the necessary love and affection can drain its lifeblood. Doing something very romantic and spontaneous can breathe new life into a marital union. Cuddling, kissing, bringing flowers, taking your partner to a nice dinner and a few days away all help. Acting like you are not married: constantly walking ahead of your partner, 'undressing' the local pretty girl or boy, breaking down your lines of communication, and, of course, no regular intimacy or marriage supporters and weakeners. A number of marital relationships go that way, whether their marriage ends or not. A marriage can also be on 'life support'-medium to critical care.
Reflections: Turning 40
By Todd Daigneault
Turning forty for me was no catastrophe. Horror stories of people on the precipice of having nervous breakdowns, after turning forty, haunted me throughout my thirties. In other words, turning forty was viewed as almost a nightmare scenario of rapidly impending death, symbolized by being on the precipice of having a nervous breakdown. But as my thirties proceeded onwards to turning forty, I started to realize that forty was not so hard of a number to reach, and it didn't necessarily mean that my life was over...or close to being over. Forty came for me...I didn't feel any different. Or I didn't feel any closer to death. Now at forty-four, I actually feel better than just being an impulsive youth in my twenties and early thirties.
Forty was not the catastrophe that I had been led to believe, or was duped into believing. However, turning forty, meant facing the discriminatory vestiges of that "ancient" thinking. Although, in most cases you feel perfect fine and are quite capable, you face subtle and sometimes not so subtle discrimination. In a society that grew so much in decades of fighting racial and gender discrimination, age discrimination still existed, and it usually started at age forty and beyond. As with most discriminatory practices, it usually stemmed out of fear. Older individuals faced discrimination out of fear of one's mortality...and most of us are guilty of it, one way or another, at varying ages during our younger years.
Forty became the landmark year, a sort of pre-set, discriminatory transition from youth to older years, and people going through it know it, whether they go through a personal crisis over their mortality, or not. Age discrimination is very complicated and is intertwined at many levels. The reactions to it can be equally very complicated. In my case, and many others too, forty became the new thirty. We were healthier, stronger and in better shape than our parents and grandparents when they reached the similar age. But still the discrimination existed and still exists. As a still tribal society, we still have to get past all of these discriminatory, stinky thinkings that still haunt our mindsets, much like the nightmare legends of folklore haunted the mindsets of the ancient tribes all those millennia ago.
With myself, I don't wish to be an impulsive and reckless youth, all over again. Of course, I would be practicing discrimination by saying that. But my age doesn't necessarily make me a wise tribal elder, speaking volumes of wisdom and knowledge to the young people of my tribe, either. We can certainly be wise at any age-many are. Being forty and beyond are just numbers. Like being younger, it doesn't make somebody any better or strong because of their age...or lack thereof. So turning forty for me didn't necessarily make me any more enlightened, just knowledgeable of things, ideas and concepts that were always in the back of my mind, but came out to the surface by a landmark known as forty human years of age.
We still have a way to go in dealing with discrimination of all kinds-age discrimination being a huge part of it. Slowly and invariably, the old thinking and ideas, so to speak, invariably are replaced by new ideas and beliefs. A fear of forty is so keyed to everybody's collective mortality fears...and we know it. Once the threshhold is crossed, one is suddenly that much closer to dying! Yikes! But such beliefs are deeply ingrained into the collective psyche of us all. Although forty is the new thirty, we may still have a way to go in implementing that belief fully, and more importantly getting it past the reptilian part of the human brain that is keyed to our survival: 'fight or flight."
Age is still a bastion of fear, even contempt and loathing. We were always taught to respect our elders, certainly something to live by. But at the end of the day, we became our elders. So, in understanding turning 40, is to understand ourselves, who we are, where we are going, and even ultimately our place in the grand scheme of things. Additionally, in that understanding, we come to many conclusions about ourselves-the most important being that turning forty is not so catastrophic after all. That many of us will live to be ripe old ages, and will actually flourish.
Choosing between being clever or being good-looking
By Todd Daigneault
I'd rather be clever than good-looking. Very good looks can be transitory, and usually very good-looking people can find themselves 'out-gunned' by people who are even more good-looking than themselves, resulting in an ever-increasing cycle of other good-looking people outgunning them... Or else, similiarly good-looking people can get locked into competitions with others for romances, jobs...and even attention. With clever-wit, people can out-maneuver the 'beautiful-people' and get the ones they desire...After all, witty dialogue and a good repore can turn heads more than just plain good looks, that exist only on the surface.
Sometimes the most 'aesthetically-challenged' (tongue-in-cheek) individuals have the most girlfriends (or boyfriends) because they had beauty on the inside, that was more radiant than the superficial looks of the beautiful people. We've all seen them strut around like they were something else, even though we may have been better-looking than them. But being clever, we usually just did circles around them, leaving them in the dust, cursing and cussing at us because all the time they spent grooming themselves and finding that right outfit, we got the ones they were gunning for. Sometimes the ones who think of themselves as so good-looking can be the ones who end up with nobody but themselves to love.
The clever ones use their rapier wit, very comedic 'one-liners' and very good and interesting dialogue as a very strong tool to win the girl (or boy). When I was a boy, my mother met a man, younger than herself, balding and not what the 'beautiful people' would consider attractive. This man had every woman after him, for he was clever with good and witty remarks. Haven't we all heard or seen portrayed in the movies and television that it was so important to have a sense of humor...part of being clever. Cleverness can definitely make one seem much more attractive, for they have a 'solidity' to themselves. They are real people-who can still be very attractive on the outside (and in many cases usually are)-but have an inner beauty that projects with the luster of a million diamonds and other rare gems, for they have the ability to transcend the physical with ease.
I would always rather be clever, not just in romance but in life itself. Wit gives one a huge advantage in understanding and dealing with the many issues, challenges and problems of life. Orbiting around one's own 'star' of vanity and the veneer of life can leave one with an empty existence, even if they end up winning many of their battles by using the superficiality of looks. People may be initially impressed by the looks, but nine times out of ten would rather deal with the one who has personality, with which cleverness is a big part of.
Somebody who is obssessed with being good-looking is easily going to be outflanked by the master strategist: the clever one. True, there are individuals who are clever and good-looking, but they were the ones who were clever in the beginning, outshining the veneer of looks with a beauty from the inside. I will always choose being clever every time...
After a divorce: Tips for dealing with anger By Todd Daigneault
Divorce can be absolutely devastating on those involved, whether they instigated it or not. Naturally, there is going to be extreme anger-which mostly stems from being hurt as an emotional defensive shield over the divorce. An emotional defensive shield is protective, designed to pad the human psyche from the unbearable stresses suddenly put on somebody over divorce. Instigating it or not is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. The anger will always be there, as a result of divorce. Anger can also come as a result of a knee-jerk reaction to an infidelity, abuse, etc. But it generally is a result of an emotional defensive shield, in which can encompass all of these things.
Dealing with the anger does not necessarily mean doing something equally, maybe counterproductive such as having sex with your former partner's best friend. You know the beautiful and sensual woman, or handsome man, who constantly ogled you from a distance and maybe gave you the tongue at a discreet distance once in awhile. But knew you were with his/her best friend. Such things can lead to huge complications in your life. Revenge sex may be titillating, explosive and volcanic, but leave you hollow inside and more angrier than ever, as your unresolved emotions from the divorce have only been augmented and worsened by somebody you'll usually end up perceiving as taking advantage of you.
If it is an abusive relationship, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological, the anger can be very extreme. There can never be adequate redress for any forms of abuse. Usually, the anger can be so deep, along with other pent-up emotions, that a skilled therapist is needed to help an abused person come to terms with it...and more importantly to heal. Healing is important for the aftermath of all divorces. There has to be an emotional healing time, for emotional scars run very deep.
Generally, dealing with anger means a cooling off period for you as you start to re-construct your life. It's healthy and quite normal to feel anger after a marriage of years suddenly ending, whether you instigated it or not. But it's not healthy to harbor deep resentments and anger for years-as it is going to be extremely counterproductive to your life and future. Vent your emotions in the beginning. Smash a picture, cut the crotch out of your partner's pants, cry, shout at them. Venting is so important to help you put things back into perspective and re-construct your life to the point that you'll be ready for new relationships and possibly a new marriage.
After all, you want a new relationship to work out. Building up fears and resentments over new partners may potentially lead to new and equally or more devastating relationships. Work hard to get a fair and equitable split with all your financial assets, and your most important assets, your children. This can help defuse long term anger, leading to better emotional health and stability.
Also, take the dating scene slow and surely. Don't plunge in over the strong need to be with somebody. Take a little bit of time in getting back into the dating scene. But go out and date. Getting your feet wet again is going to help defuse your angers. In the end, doing all of these things and more is going to lay the foundation for a newer and stronger you. Isn't that what you want in the end? Build a good and viable foundation and you'll do nothing but sing and be happy!
Relationships and deception: What counts as cheating?
By Todd Daigneault
Cheating can be something as simple as getting into a long conversation about sex, nudity and everything associated with it-or the sex act itself. For those in relationships, hugging somebody of the opposite sex is not necessarily cheating if the hands are above the waist. But touching and caressing bums and stroking just north of the equator can be construed as cheating. In a fast paced, cyberspace world, the definition of cheating has broadened somewhat to include explicit emails, or emails that have a hint of innuendo. Talking about sex and sexuality while conferring with somebody of the opposite gender in person, over the telephone or by email can be considered cheating.
If one is in a committed relationship, it certainly is okay to look and even fantasize. But when that line is crossed with conversations even tinged with sexuality, it can lead to far more quite easily. For example, say it's a woman talking to her boyfriend's best friend. Suddenly she says to him how good he looks in a bathing suit. It may seem innocent and non-deceptive on the surface. But suddenly a door has been opened for her to have another possible relationship while with her boyfriend, especially if there is already some existing tension between them. Even if there is not, by openly noticing her she may already have started to walk down the path towards some kind of sexual tryst with him or others.
It's not that people cannot comment on other people's looks and appearances. One openly declared comment can lead to another and another. Before you know it, clothes are coming off...Openly declared comments are cheating in a sense, for the person has proclaimed their noticing of appearance to the opposite gender, instead of keeping the remarks to themselves. It opens a door that may not necessarily be closed so easily. Sexually-tinged remarks usually are not a one-way street...It can snowball into something quite explicit and very sexual.
Many men look at and watch porn while in committed relationships. In most cases it is okay. It's a healthy release that doesn't necessarily damage the relationship one bit. For there is no physical return of sex from two dimensional images. A lot of couples use porn to help stimulate their relationships. It's when the porn becomes too gratuitous in a relationship that can now be considered cheating. A modicum is okay, a portion is cheating. For the fantasy becomes more of a reality for them, and they may openly seek other women (or men). A healthy fantasy is acceptable, an unhealthy one is cheating.
In the early 21st century, many relationships have changed and morphed. But cheating is still cheating, even if it is still subtle. Fortunately, many who do cross the line do step back. A good relationship is sometimes a rare commodity. Many people do realize that, even if the relationship is open and subjected to other partners. At the end of the day, even that doesn't last. Either they stay with each other or move on to their sensual delights. The waters may be murky in understanding this, but become clear when one peers deeply into it.
Tips on how to lose weight
By Todd Daigneault
Losing weight can be very difficult for some, easy for others. A great tip for losing weight is to lower your stress levels. When we are stressed, we eat. For food, and certain substances contained therein, including salt help to relieve stress and depression. Caffeine and sugar help to hyperstimulate the human body, allowing us to cope with stressful situations much better. Fast foods, with lots of salt, are great comfort foods during stressful situations-and also great weight gainers-as the salt retains fluid. Plus, the fatty, overprocessed foods that it usually encompasses can lead to huge weight gains and morbid obesity, as the body starts to deteriorate under a vicious cycle of ultra-caloriec, rich and fatty foods.
Lowering the stress on your body are one of the keys to preventing over and binge eating, to reducing body weight,. There are also a number of herbs that can be taken, like ginseng and reishi, that act as "adaptogens", natural substances that fortify the human body against stress. Taking several of them everyday will ease stress levels, helping the body respond better to stressful situations, including physical and environmental stresses that can also trigger off overeating and fat retention. But stress is not the only problem. Sometimes, overeating can also be triggered off by loneliness, isolation, self-esteem issues, where individuals seek food as a "replacement" for such positive things that may be lacking in their life.
Trying to fight off the vicious, all-consuming cycle of overeating that hinders weight loss can seem almost impossible at times. But starting with these small, yet pivotal steps are like taking HUGE steps towards getting a leaner, more healthier body. For a lot of weight gain has its roots in emotional, physical and environmental stresses, and loneliness, isolation and self-esteem issues. But there is also lack of exercise, that over time can contribute to solid weight gain. Try and exercise more than just walking from your car to your office, or the grocery store and back. Work out on a sustained level, and over time you should notice the differences.
Exercise doesn't necessarily mean getting up at 5am and doing your ten mile run, after working hard the day before, But it can mean taking a thirty minute brisk walk three times a week. Couple that with reducing your caloriec load, and eating some better choices and you'll reduce the weight in time. That's what it grinds down to-time. Over time, your body weight will drop. You can also consume green tea or take it in supplemental form. It drops weight too.