Spake Cartaphilus

by Greg Jensen

Smashwords Edition

Published by Yudexter Press

Copyright © 2010 by Greg Jensen

All rights reserved.

Spake Cartaphilus is a work of fiction. The characters, places, and incidents described in this publication are used fictitiously, or are entirely fictional.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, except by an authorized retailer, or with written permission of the publisher. Inquiries may be addressed via email to yudexter.press@gmail.com.

Cover picture adapted from De humani corporis fabrica libri septem (1543) by Andreas Vesalius, as faithfully reproduced in digital form by Liam Quin at www.fromoldbooks.org.

Additional assistance and motivation by Annie Bellet.

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Interview: Allen Orwin

Interviewer: Scott Michaels

Broadcast on 3N, September 27th, 2041

Full Transcript [Internal Use Only]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

SM: First off, I’d like to thank you for coming on.

AO: [inaudible]

SM: You’ve been called the man with the easiest job in the country. How does that sit with you?

AO: That’s absurd.

SM: Do you feel that people are unfair to you, that they don’t give you enough credit?

AO: No, it’s just bull, is all. Coming back, it’s a skill. Takes practice. Just setting the record straight.

SM: Your first recorded death was in 1982, but the details are very unclear from the few public records describing it. Was that your first success?

AO: That wasn’t a success, no. Well, I did it, yeah, but I wouldn’t call it a success. Not good enough, right?

SM: Your first few deaths were all shrouded in mystery. Would you care to elaborate on them?

AO: I didn’t come here to talk about my deaths, Scott. Nothing people can learn from them, anyway. I came to talk about my work.

SM: You’re talking about your work as a photographer?

AO: Yup, my war work.

SM: You’ve just come back from Burma?

AO: Yeah, got back about a month ago. Lemme tell you, Scott, it’s pretty nasty over there. We crossed the border, what four months ago? Came over from India, set up base in this area called Tamu. Right on the border, not really secured by the rebels, good base of operations.

SM: For our viewers unfamiliar with your method, could you give an overview of the mission?

AO: Sure. Had two techs working for me, who managed a satellite uplink out of Tamu. Not big, fit in the back of a pickup. Anyway, they also had all my spare cameras and gear. I’d get a fresh set, then head out from Tamu into the country.

SM: By yourself?

AO: Oh yeah, always alone. The moment you’ve got a team, it becomes real hard to hide. So anyway, I’d set out with a camera and a little utility kit and see what I could get. Then come back and send the pictures along via the uplink.

SM: How long were you usually gone for?

AO: Oh, maybe a week at a time, sometimes more. Depends how far out I’d try to get. On foot, I think the farthest I got was Mandalay, about 160 miles.

SM: How high was your casualty rate?

AO: A lot higher than I would have liked. Maybe a month in, both sides decided I was a threat, so I didn’t have any safe shelter anymore. Had maybe half my runs aborted after that.

SM: Did you lose many pictures?

AO: Oh, thousands! I’m sure a bunch survived, being used by one side or the other to determine troop movements or something. But yeah, I’d say, probably, 10,000 to 15,000 pictures got lost. We left when I ran out of cameras.