DEARLY LOVED
A Contemporary Christian
Romance Novel
By
Bonnie Blythe
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Cover design by Andrew Wilson
Front cover photo © Robert Brown | Dreamstime.com
Back cover photo © Bowie15 | Dreamstime.com
A Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 by Bonnie Blythe
All rights reserved.
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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But I trust in your unfailing love.
Psalm 13:5
One
“Kiss me, Merrie.”
Meredith Hope Ambrose widened her eyes—her heart beating hard. Is he serious? Or just teasing me again? She was used to David Steller’s outrageous remarks—designed as they were to get a rise out of her.
She looked down at the eighteen-year-old, where she sat next to him, and let out a wistful sigh. He lay on his back, chewing on a blade of grass and gazing into the leafy summer boughs of the old maple tree. The afternoon sun filtered down through the leaves, dappling his long, athletic figure with lacy patterns of light.
The very first time she saw him, she thought of David the shepherd boy of the Bible. He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features. Her David fit that description, and then some. His dark, liquid brown eyes, fringed with thick lashes, sparkled with mirth, and tawny colored hair curled shamelessly around his face.
If only he meant it about the kiss. Why can’t he ever be serious?
David removed the grass from his mouth and rolled onto his stomach. He looked up at her with a familiar teasing glint in his eye.
“Well?”
Meredith reminded herself he was joking. Gazing at his beguiling expression, she was tempted to call his bluff. But before she could respond, David sat up next to her and pressed his lips against her own. Involuntarily, her eyes fluttered closed as she surrendered herself to the soft, sweet feelings his touch stirred within her.
Her first kiss.
Too soon, David raised his head. He sent her a curious look. Dazed by the experience, Meredith lowered her eyes to conceal her bewilderment. She felt a telltale rush of heat spread over her cheeks. He’d managed to get a reaction out of her once again. It never failed.
When Meredith looked up at him a moment later, the twinkle returned to his eyes, along with the endearing dimple that appeared whenever he smiled. Whatever she thought she’d seen in his eyes had gone. Perhaps she’d imagined it.
And she did entirely too much imagining when it came to David Steller.
Meredith smiled at the bittersweet memories while grabbing her bag and purse off the passenger seat of her car. Oh, the adolescent angst of a sixteen-year-old female. She walked across the parking lot to Cedar Hill Community Hospital, wondering what reminded her of David after all these years. Perhaps it was the way the evening sunlight filtered through the trees, making her think of that day under the old maple. That kiss had been the first of many they’d shared, along with whispered words of love and promises…
What does a teenager know about love? What a joke! Meredith shook her head. Once school started, David had dumped her and pursued other girls-girls of the cheerleader, prom court strata—not quiet, studious types such as herself. Sorry, Merrie. No hard feelings, huh? The realization that he’d been biding his time with her until something better came along had made her sick with heartbreak and rejection.
Meredith pressed a hand against her chest, amazed that memories of David could still cause a spasm of pain in the region of her heart. All those wasted tears. She grimaced. What had then felt like a tragedy on par with Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet now was just an embarrassing relic of memory. I’ve long since gone on with my life. The last twelve—okay eleven—years without him have been productive and meaningful. Good grief, what even brought him to mind?
Inhaling the perfumed summer air one last time before entering the climate-controlled conditions of the hospital, Meredith firmly dismissed all thoughts of the past. She walked down a hallway adorned with glossy framed photographs of the doctors who had privileges at Cedar Hill, heading to the staffing office for her unit assignment. Meredith expected to be assigned to the Med-Surg unit, but knew she could be floated to ICU, Pediatrics, or even the ER, in case of staffing shortages.
At the office, she learned she was assigned to her usual duties—caring for patients suffering from illnesses or recovering from surgeries. She went into the break room to store her purse and workbag before beginning her shift. After closing her locker, Meredith clipped her name badge to the front of her pastel print smock, draped her stethoscope around her neck, and slipped on her nursing clogs. Once prepared, she craved a cup of coffee to fortify herself upon entering the nocturnal world of the night shift. Meredith stifled a yawn.
Why am I so tired tonight? Too much gardening? Busy summer schedule with the American Red Cross? Usually she felt more refreshed after her four-day break. Working as a float during the weekend in twelve-hour shifts gave her more time to recoup. At least that’s what I’d hoped for. She shrugged and tried to mentally prepare for the people she’d be working with.
The door of the break room opened, and Rosa, a lively, tanned brunette who she attended church with, entered and plopped down onto a fake leather chair.
“What a day!” She looked over at Meredith and smiled. “You’re smart to work when everyone’s asleep. After giving all the day nurses grief, the patients are too tired to bother the night shift.”
Meredith smiled. “You figured out my secret.” She went over to a small counter where a coffeemaker sat in the corner and chose from an assortment of mugs. Most had pharmaceutical logos on the side. One said I’m saving myself for Justin Timberlake. Meredith wrinkled her nose and picked a plain blue one, filling it with black coffee.
Rosa heaved a noisy sigh before pouring a cup of coffee for herself. “Well, you might find tonight’s work a little more interesting. Seems we have a celebrity patient. A soccer star named David Steller.” She turned and fanned herself with a packet of powdered creamer. “Ever heard of him?”
Meredith froze, the cup of coffee poised in front of her lips. Huh?
Rosa gave her a coy look, her brown eyes sparkling. “He’s a honey, but got smashed up in a car accident. You’ll have the whole night to make his owies all better.” She made loud, smacking noises with her lips.
Meredith set down her cup. David? Here? Cue the Twilight Zone music!
“Hello, anybody home?”
Meredith blinked.
“So, have you heard of him?”
“Um, I—” Was the Lord preparing me for this by bringing up those memories? There can be no other explanation!
Rosa stretched her arms above her head. “You know, he’s that pro soccer player who blew out his knee right before the Major League Soccer play-offs. It’s been all over the news tonight. I heard he’s here in town to take the job at KVL news as the sports anchor. I gotta keep up on all the sports stuff to attract a guy, you know.”
Meredith furrowed her brows. “Blew out his knee?” Images flickered through her memory; David as a high school athlete flushed with yet another victory…David confident with the knowledge he’d soon be drafted to a college team…and from there, into a professional league.
How can all that be over? Poor David! Her voice sounded far away when she spoke. “How serious are his injuries?”
Rosa twirled her pony-tail. “He wasn’t my patient but I gathered he was in emergency surgery for six hours or so, for internal injuries and damage to his leg. After being in ICU for a few hours they moved him to a private room, although I have no doubt it was because a coronary patient needed his bed.” She groaned. “How many years have they told us they’re going to remodel and expand this unit? I’m tired of playing musical beds with the patients. Every time they begin to remodel one unit, I ask when will the Med-Surg unit get done? ‘Next year’ they say. It’s always ‘next year’. Has been forever.”
“Uh, thanks, Rosa.” Meredith hurried from the break room and went to the nurses’ station. With shaking hands, she found David’s chart. Scanning the information, she felt the blood drain from her face. Fracture of the femur, lacerated liver, hematoma of the spleen, pneumothorax due to rib fracture.
Meredith closed her eyes, breathing a silent prayer. She returned the chart, eager to get to his room and see him. A nurse waved her over to report off for the night so Meredith could organize her assessment schedule first. Rats. Reality check.
It was an hour before she made it to his room.
Saying a quick prayer for strength, Meredith slipped into the dim space and approached the side of his bed. David lay as still as death. His face was swollen and bruised. The pulse oximeter monitor next to the bed beeped, displaying his pulse and oxygen rate, the only noticeable signs of life.
A sudden rush of long-buried feelings boiled to the surface. She pressed her fingers against her mouth to stop from crying out. Whoa, what’s wrong with me? Forcing herself to be calm, she began her routine check—blood pressure, temp, pulse, respiration, the IV bag, and his surgical incisions with trembling hands.
When she’d performed her duties, she allowed herself a few moments to reminisce—there had been a few good moments sprinkled in with the bad all those years ago. Her gaze lingered over his face. Although she easily recognized him despite his condition and the fact he was older, he just wasn’t the same David without his teasing eyes and confident grin. The memory of him so vital and alive jarred with the shadowed, motionless form in the bed. I know this is not a coincidence, but God, why is he here? How do I fit in?
She grazed the side of his face with the back of her hand, feeling the coolness of his skin. Taking his hand in hers, she bent near his ear.
“David, it’s me, Meredith Ambrose. I’m going to help take care of you, okay?” I doubt if he even remembers me.
He was heavily sedated so she wasn’t surprised when his broken body remained as still as before. Swallowing, she squeezed his hand before turning to leave the room. Several other patients waited.
The remainder of Meredith’s shift passed by in a blur. Normally, she enjoyed the dim, hushed world of the night shift. The slower pace allowed her a little extra time with each patient. Tonight, wanting nothing more than to stay at David’s side, every question, every patient summons, every task, made her grind her teeth. I’m just worried about him, that’s all. He’s an old friend of the family.
At the end of her shift, after reporting off to the day staff coming on, Meredith went into the break room and splashed cold water on her face, trying to cool her heated emotions. The door burst open. Meredith looked up as Ellen, a pretty, blonde staff nurse, flung open her locker door and grabbed her coat.
“Hey, Mer. Doing anything special this morning?” she asked, her brows arched.
“Nope,” she said, blotting her face with a paper towel. “Unless sleeping is special.”
“That’s pretty pathetic.” She winked. “You need a man in your life.”
Meredith returned her smile. I don’t think so. “I take it you’re on your way to meet your fiancé.”
Ellen yanked a hairbrush through her hair. “Yep. He gets off at the same time as me. We’re meeting for breakfast.”
“Have you two set a date yet?”
She rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? You know men. They’re big sissies when it comes to commitment.”
With that, Ellen bounced out of the room. Her parting comment made Meredith shake her head. Why would I want a man when they’re so notorious for avoiding commitment? Her smile faded. Especially if they abandon you for greener pastures.
Blowing a lock of hair from her face, Meredith shook the thought away. Snap out of it, woman!
After changing her shoes, she replaced her smock with a light cardigan over her cotton tank top, stuffing the dirty smock into her workbag. Before leaving the hospital for her routine lap swim, Meredith decided to peek in once more on David to assure herself he rested peacefully. Just one last time.
While she was in his room, his doctor appeared, making his rounds early before going home. The doctor’s positive prognosis comforted Meredith. As much as she’d like, she couldn’t keep a constant vigil at David’s bedside.
That made her wonder what he’d say to her when he woke up. She closed her eyes as a cascade of faded images from the past sharpened in her mind.
Dear Lord. Am I ready for this?
Two
After a forty minute lap swim at a local health club, Meredith made her way home. She parked in the driveway and walked up the stone path to the house, a small Craftsman bungalow, still thinking about David’s sudden appearance in her life. She retrieved the paper from the where it lay under the hydrangeas crowding the flowerbeds on either side of her porch, unlocked the door, and went inside.
Pale morning light streamed through the mullioned windows. Puddles of color from stained glass pieces lent a mellow air to the stone fireplace flanked by built-in bookcases, an overstuffed sage green loveseat, and two leather chairs situated around a mission style coffee table. She walked into the bright yellow kitchen, with the black and white linoleum floor and pretty lace curtains, and glanced around.
Usually the sight of her well-ordered home gave her an inordinate sense of pleasure. Today it seemed almost hollow, like a shell absent of life. Everything looks the same, so why does everything feel so different?
Meredith set her purse and workbag on the countertop, trying to shrug off the disquieting feeling. She opened the refrigerator and peeked inside but realized her appetite had fled. With a sigh, she settled at the little oak dinette table and unfurled the newspaper.
Meredith didn’t have to look far for a report of David’s accident. On the second page of the Local section she found a three-paragraph write-up of the incident. Above the article she saw a professional photograph of David next to a photo of two mangled vehicles. Meredith studied the picture of David. Time had treated him well. If anything he was more attractive than ever, and she could still detect the mischief in his expressive face.
She learned Rosa was correct. He’d had been en route to the news station where he’d taken the job of sports anchor when he was broadsided by another vehicle. The other driver had been under the influence of alcohol, but otherwise uninjured. Figures.
From the photo of the wreckage, it seemed miraculous anyone survived. Meredith shivered at the thought David might not have made it. It was just too terrible to consider.
The rest of the article chronicled his career from soccer hopeful to another sports injury statistic. From there, he’d worked as a sports commentator for college soccer teams and before arriving in Cedar Hill, for a small cable news sports show. No mention of a wife or children. Not that it matters. Besides, David probably won’t even remember me after all this time.
After her meal, Meredith paced around her living room, unable to relax before going to bed. She slumped onto the sofa and flipped on the TV, changing channels with the remote control until her eyes crossed. Thoughts of David intruded, making it impossible to focus on anything else.
Snorting in disgust, she got up, grabbed her purse and headed for her car. Perhaps walking through the nearby shopping mall would tire her out in a way a twelve-hour shift and swimming could not.
Meredith drifted in and out of several shops at Cedar Hill Towne Center Mall, feeling restless and edgy. She bought a small diet cola and sat down on a wooden bench in front of a lighted water fountain. A teenage couple tossed some coins into the water. The smile they shared brought an unexpected ache to her heart. Meredith threw her cup into a trash receptacle, impatient with herself for being so maudlin. I need to suspend these sudden jaunts down memory lane. They’re never any fun anyway.
She glanced over at the entrance to a pet shop and decided a trip inside would help cure her funk. In the store, she found herself surrounded by brightly colored parrots, a rainbow assortment of fish, and the sound of yipping, yowling puppies and kittens. After wandering through the store for some time, a sales clerk approached her. “Can I help you find anything?”
Absolutely not. I don’t have the time or patience to deal with an animal. Aloud, she said, “What kinds of dog breeds do you have?”
The clerk led her over to a bin of wiggling Llasa Apso puppies. “These little guys stay small, have great temperaments, and are on special just for today.”
Meredith regarded the furry little bodies as they rolled and tumbled over each other competing for attention.
“Cute, aren’t they?” the clerk said with a grin. “Go ahead, pick one up.”
Meredith sent them a wistful look. They were awfully cute with their curly coats and shiny little eyes. She started to reach into the bin, but paused, thinking of things like potty training, chewed furniture, and backyard messes inflicted on her well-ordered life and home. Meredith made a face and shook her head. “Not today, I’m afraid.”
The clerk stared at her in surprise as if wondering how she could be so hard-hearted.
On her way home, Meredith had second thoughts about getting a dog. It would be nice to come home to an eager puppy. Someone who cared she existed.
Meredith frowned. Where had that thought come from? Maybe I’m more tired than I thought. She glanced at her watch. Eleven o’clock in the morning and past time for me to be in bed.
***
Meredith reached over to put an end to the annoying drone of her alarm clock. When she sat up, her head throbbed. With bleary eyes, she looked around her room. Late afternoon sunlight filtered in through the sheers at the windows, casting the room in a soft glow. She pushed back the cotton quilt and slid from the bed. Her bare feet landed on the cool wood floor and she padded into the bathroom, splashing her face with water from the sink. Her reflection in the old beveled mirror on the medicine cabinet attested to her fatigue. Disturbed by dreams about David, she quickly readied for work, anxious to check his condition.
At the hospital, Meredith made her way to David’s room before reporting in. Inside the doorway, she let out a little gasp. In his bed lay an elderly woman hooked up to a respirator. Meredith closed her eyes for a moment to regain her equilibrium. Either David had died or he’d been moved to another room. Don’t panic yet. Get the facts.
She strode to the nurses’ station and saw Erin Morgan, the night Charge Nurse, behind the desk working at the computer. Her red hair and cool green eyes seemed to match her personality. Oh, great, the grouch is on duty. Erin glanced up at her and grimaced.
Meredith cleared her throat. “What happened to the previous patient in two-thirty-two, David Steller?”
Erin’s eyes narrowed. “What’s it to you? You another one of his groupies?”
Spotting the patient assignment sheet, Meredith reached for it.
“They moved him down the hall,” Erin mumbled. “Somebody’s grandma needed his room worse.”
Scanning the information, Meredith went limp with relief. He’d been upgraded from serious to stable condition and moved to a room slightly further from the nurses’ station. Thank you, Lord. Replacing the clipboard, she hurried down the hall to his new room.
Meredith was relieved to find David’s color improved and his pulse, stronger. She touched his hand, silently rejoicing in his improvement. Noticing of the smell of flowers in the air, she looked around and saw a vast profusion of flower arrangements, Mylar balloons, and stuffed animals crowding the counter. Obviously he’d had several visitors over the course of the day. That was David. She remembered his name meant dearly loved. He’d always been popular, and she’d been just one more of the many who wanted to be close to him. The thought was depressing—and familiar.
Unable to stop herself, Meredith smoothed his hair from his face, breathing a prayer for his continued recovery. Before leaving the room and beginning her shift, she looked again at all the flowers. Tomorrow she’d bring him some from her own garden.
The door opened and a woman walked in. As she came into the low light above the bed, Meredith recognized David’s aunt. “Gloria!”
“Meredith Ambrose, is that you? I heard you’d become a nurse. Thank God you’re here!” Gloria, dark-haired, with brown eyes similar to David’s, choked on a sob and gave her a hug.
The last time Meredith had seen David’s aunt and uncle was when her mom died seven years ago. Why is it tragedy rather than good fortune that brings people together?
Gloria released her. “I just got the news. How is he?” She sat next to the bed, reaching out to touch his hand. Tears filmed her eyes. “We’ve been out of town for the past month and just got home today. I heard about him on the TV news!”
“He’s actually doing better than he looks. His surgery went well and his condition has been upgraded.” Meredith smiled. “David has always been tough.”
Gloria gave a nervous laugh. “That’s true. How long do you think he’ll be here?”
“Another week. Two at the most unless there are postoperative complications, which the doctor doesn’t anticipate.”
Sinking into the chair near the bed, Gloria covered her eyes with her hands. “I feel terrible I wasn’t here for him. Roy wanted to come, but he has the flu and didn’t want to expose David unnecessarily.” She looked over at Meredith and gave her a warm smile. “But you’re here for him. You always were.”
Meredith felt her face grow warm. How aware had David’s aunt and uncle been of her pathetic obsession of their nephew? She motioned to the flowers. “It looks like he’s had some visitors today.”
A nurse poked her head through the door crack. “Meredith, are you in here?”
“Yes?”
“Erin’s asking where you are. It’s time to get to your reports.”
“Okay, thanks.” Turning to Gloria, she said, “I need to go. It’s good to see you.”
Gloria stood and gave Meredith a quick hug. “I only wish it wasn’t under such circumstances.”
“Me, too.”
***
The night seemed to go on forever. Two nurses called in sick, so they were short-staffed, which had the usual effect of making everyone grumpy. In a room containing two patients, Meredith quietly prayed over a man after checking his stats. The door swished open. She looked up.
“Who are you talking to, Ambrose?” Erin barked, walking all the way into the room.
Meredith stifled a sigh. Here we go again. “God.”
“Wrong answer.” Erin crossed her arms over her chest. “Superstition has no place here. What if I were to sit down and figure out how much time you spend involving yourself in religious activities on hospital time? Unless you want to lose your job for waste and inefficiency, I suggest you quit that muttering and get to work!”
Meredith clenched her jaw and moved on to the next patient in her rounds. It was useless to be drawn into an argument with Erin. She knew she could get the Charge Nurse in trouble for discrimination on the basis of religion, but Erin otherwise ran the unit well. Besides, it wouldn’t help their dubious relationship any by making a formal complaint against her. Is it me she can’t stand, or just religion in general?
***
Meredith’s shoulders slumped when she finally got home after her shift. All she wanted was sleep. After brushing her teeth, she changed into her pajamas and burrowed under the blankets of her bed. Blessed drowsiness weighed her eyes and limbs. Her heartbeat slowed. Almost there.
Yip. Yip. Yip. The sound of a barking dog filtered into her ears. She groaned and pulled a pillow over her head to shut out the noise.
Yip. Yip. Yip.
Meredith counted to ten. Then to twenty. She ripped her blankets aside and stood up, clutching the edge of the bed as a head-rush threatened to land back onto the mattress. Peering sleepily out the window, Meredith was surprised to see the mellow rays of the afternoon sun gilding her bedroom. It felt as though she’d fallen asleep only minutes ago.
Trying to get any sleep during the day is a joke. Something always wakes me up—noisy kids, motorcycles lacking mufflers, door-to-door salesmen, and loud dogs!
Meredith wrapped a light robe around her frame and went out the kitchen door into her small backyard. A barking bit of dirty white fluff had cornered her neighbor’s tabby cat up a vine maple tree.
“Bad dog!” she croaked. “No, no! Go home!”
The little white dog turned at the sound of her voice and raced up to where she stood, barking up a storm. Suddenly intrigued by the cute little thing, Meredith bent down and held out her hand. Sniffing at first, the dog apparently decided she didn’t pass muster and began barking more furiously than ever.
“Oh, fine.” Meredith put her hands on her hips and gave the dog a gimlet look. She had to do something to make it stop the infernal racket. She lunged and caught hold of its leg. The dog squirmed like a fish on a line, twisted around, and nipped her on the chin.
“Ow!” With renewed determination, Meredith grabbed hold of the dog and wrestled it into the house. When she shut the back door behind her, she let the dog go and watched, bemused, while it raced in circles around the kitchen.
Rubbing her chin, Meredith went to get the newspaper. She flipped to the classifieds, hoping someone was looking for an ornery white fluff ball. When she didn’t find a corresponding ad, she called the paper to place one for a found puppy, anxious for someone to take the tiny terror off her hands.
Meredith cocked her head. Uh oh. It’s way too quiet in the house. With visions of destroyed shoes and scratched furniture filling her mind, she went in search of the dog. When a quick check of her living room and bathroom yielded no puppy, she headed for her bedroom. Inside her room, she stopped and stared.
“Oh, no you don’t! Get down from there!”
The dog ignored her, lying sprawled on its back in the middle of her bed. Its beady brown eyes shined with obvious contentment and its little pink tongue hung out of the side of its mouth. Well, now I know it’s a boy. When she made a move to shoo him off the bed, the dog flipped over and burrowed under her blankets.
And I can add laundry to my list of chores today. Meredith glanced at the clock, and realized six hours of sleep would have to suffice. She picked up the dog, holding it well away from her body, deposited it in the garage, and headed for the shower.
***
Two hours later, Meredith arrived back from a trip to the mall, with a rawhide bone, collar, leash, kennel, and a sack of puppy food. On her drive home from the store, she’d looked through her neighborhood looking for Lost Dog signs. No luck. The dog danced around her feet as if he had every confidence she intended to keep him.
“This is only temporary,” she groused, spying a gnawed leather sandal under the dining room table.
Meredith shook a small amount of dog food into a bowl and placed it on the floor near the puppy. While she watched him scarf down his complimentary dinner, she had an uneasy feeling that she hadn’t actually found the dog. He’s found me.
After dubbing the dog Bitsy, named for his size along with the pink mark he’d left on her chin, Meredith spent the rest of the afternoon puppy-proofing her home and yard to the best of her ability. She put all her shoes in a box up onto a shelf in her closet, hoping the rawhide bone would satisfy his chewing needs. In the backyard, she piled rocks in the gap in the fence where the dog must’ve wiggled through.
Seeing the flowers reminded her of her plan to put together an arrangement for David. Irises would make a nice bouquet. They were at their peak right now and she had several varieties. The dog pranced up to her and put his paws on her leg. Meredith absently patted his furry head and said another prayer for David.
***
Meredith found every possible excuse to go into David’s room during her shift, and ended up lingering longer than necessary. It’s a slow night. Or so she told herself. She tried for more professional detachment, but the advice didn’t alter her behavior. Besides, she wasn’t as confident as she’d appeared to Gloria.
Meredith knew of the potential for life-threatening complications. She’d feel a lot better if she could see David open his eyes, and hear his voice. During the night, patients tended to be under more sedation. It might be a while yet.
Midway through her shift, after passing pain meds and checking the vitals of each of her patients, along with catching up on a heap of paperwork, Meredith went back to David’s room once more. Looking down on his quiet form, her gaze traveled along the planes and angles of his face. The swelling had almost disappeared. Even so, she knew every dip and hollow by heart.
She wanted to look into his eyes again. Has anything changed there? Will he still see me as the forgettable girl next door? Will he remember me at all?
Meredith chastised herself for such self-centered thoughts. How can I dwell on a long-ago schoolgirl crush at a time like this? She squeezed his fingers before she left the room. When she stepped back into the hall, she almost collided with Erin.
“Oh, excuse me!”
“Ambrose, what are you doing in there again? You’ve already checked on that patient more than necessary.” Erin glanced at the name in the slot next to the door. “What’s with this obsession with Steller, anyway?”
Meredith resisted the impulse to squirm under her superior’s steely scrutiny. “He’s a personal friend, so naturally I’m anxious for his recovery.” Seeing Erin’s disbelieving expression, she added, “He used to be my next door neighbor.”
Erin gave a harsh laugh. “That’s a good one. Best one I’ve heard all night. I can see how a gorgeous celebrity like him would remember the queen of wallflowers.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m sure your other patients would appreciate such devoted attention.”
Meredith took a deep breath, fighting to control her temper. Try to appreciate the stress Erin works under day after day. Dealing with understaffing, power plays between nurses and doctors, and the fear of more budget cuts plus her regular duties must take their toll.
Reminding herself this was her last shift of the week, she stuffed her anger down and went on with her job.
***
After working thirty-six hours in three days, Meredith stumbled through her front door. Just as she landed on her sofa and kicked off her street shoes, she heard a strange scratching sound at the garage door connected to the kitchen. Pushing off the sofa to investigate, she promised herself a long hot bath and at least twelve hours of sleep.
She pulled open the back door and stumbled as a blur of white whizzed by her legs.
“Bitsy! I forgot all about you!”
Meredith awkwardly petted its head. The little dog stood up briefly on his hind legs and put his paws in the air.
“Good job!” she said, wondering who’d trained him. The dog seemed to soak up her praise like a sponge and danced around in a circle as if proud of his skill.
Meredith filled his bowl with food and watched him eat. How could such a scraggly ball of white be so cute? When Bitsy licked his bowl clean, he gave her a look of pure adulation.
This time she stroked his fur, wondering why her eyes were hot with tears. Fatigue. I just need some sleep.
Meredith checked the classifieds and her answering machine for a response about Bitsy. So far no one seemed to be looking for her dog. But she felt sure some little girl or boy went to bed each night, sick with worry over their lost pet.
Bitsy didn’t have a collar and was skinny and filthy from his travels. She decided if she had to share her home with him, even temporarily, he needed cosmetic attention. Sleep would have to wait. First she took him to a veterinarian, who told her Bitsy was a West Highland Terrier, approximately nine months old. He received the appropriate shots and was pronounced healthy, aside from slight malnutrition.
From there, Meredith took him to a grooming salon for dogs, where he underwent a shampooing and clipping, emerging adorned with baby blue bows, much to his apparent dismay. Back in her car, she took out the bows, apologizing for the affront to his tender male ego. He surprised her with a wet puppy kiss for her pains. She wiped her cheek with a tissue. Dog germs. Yuck.
When she returned home, and collapsed onto her bed, Bitsy jumped up and snuggled against her. Meredith raised a brow. “I don’t think so, mister.”
She introduced him to his brand new kennel complete with a soft flannel blanket. He didn’t seem convinced.
“In you go!” She propelled him inside and closed the door, tamping down the vague sense of guilt. It’s just the way it’s gotta be.
Three
After four days of re-acclimating herself to daytime hours, Meredith headed to work Friday evening, leaving the diurnal world behind. Having a dog around the house, though she was reluctant to admit it, had its compensations, and she was in a better frame of mind as she began her days on.
Her thoughts turned to David. During her time off, she’d called in to find out his current condition, but didn’t visit him. On her lunch break, with a new bouquet of garden flowers she’d brought in earlier, Meredith slipped past the nurses’ station. Thankfully, Erin was nowhere in sight.
In David’s room, she set the vase of flowers among the others on the counter. Her eyes automatically flicked over him and the bags and monitors, checking for any anomalies. When satisfied all was acceptable, Meredith perched on the edge of a chair next to the bed. Gazing down at him, she wrapped her fingers around his and felt comforted by his warmth. Take it easy, girl. Just ‘cause he looks innocent at the moment doesn’t mean he can’t bite. She dropped his hand.
She’d relived many memories over the last few days, but what amazed her was that even unconscious, he still held some sway over her. The seesawing emotions had drained her and she knew it wasn’t healthy to live in the past. She needed David to get well so he could look at her and say Meredith who? putting an end to her silliness once and for all.
Meredith saw his head move. She caught her breath, watching in wonder as David slowly opened his eyes. A wave of goose bumps made their way up her arms when his gaze focused on her face.
David licked his lips. “Merrie, you’re here.”
She smiled through an involuntary blur of tears. “I could say the same thing about you.” Biting her lip, she attempted to control her emotions and retain a modicum of professionalism. “You’re in the hospital. Don’t try to talk.”
“I have to leave,” he said, his voice raspy. “I have a job—”
“Shhh. You need to rest.” Meredith smoothed his hair back with a shaking hand.
David closed his eyes and the features of his face relaxed. She watched him closely, her adrenaline surging, heart thundering. Releasing a pent-up breath, she glanced at the monitors, checking that all remained well.
When she returned her gaze to him, Meredith found him staring at her. Giving him a tremulous smile, she reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Ancient emotions warred with common sense and she experienced a savage urge to cry. With a will, Meredith composed herself, her facial muscles aching with the effort.
“You’re still so beautiful, Merrie,” he murmured. “I’ve missed your periwinkle eyes and apple blossom skin. And your hair…the colors of the sunrise.”
“What?” she said faintly.
“Ambrose, what are you doing in here?”
Meredith jumped. Erin stood in the doorway.
“I—the patient is awake.” She turned away, extricating her fingers from David’s hand. “I’m not sure how lucid he is at the moment.”
“From what I heard, I’d say he’s delusional,” Erin said in a harsh whisper.
Meredith felt her cheeks flame. She averted her gaze and stood.
“By the way, you’ve been reassigned to the rooms in Four North. I feel your excellent services could be used better elsewhere. You start tomorrow and will be there the rest of the month. You can thank me later.”
Meredith clenched her hands into fists as raw indignation flooded through her. David will no longer be under my care! She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She forced herself to take a calming breath before her temper got the better of her.
“Merrie?”
Meredith ignored Erin’s scowl and turned back to David.
“I’m right here.” She looked into his dark brown eyes and smiled. “The doctors will take care of you. I’ll be here as much as I can.”
“Kiss me, so I know you’re real.”
Aware of Erin’s glowering presence, she leaned over and brushed her lips across his cheek, unable to deny him anything at the moment. “I’ll be praying for you,” she whispered.
She watched as his eyes fluttered closed, his features softening after his exertion. Soon, his breathing became even. Meredith exhaled and stepped around the bed. Without a word, she walked past Erin, out into the hallway, fearful anything she said could result in her unemployment.
Meredith felt Erin’s cold stare follow her all the way down the hall. Her legs felt like wet noodles as she walked into the employee restroom. She turned on the faucet to block out the noise as the tears she’d held a bay broke past the dam of her resolve.
Thank you, Lord, that David is awake. Thank you that he’s improving.
And help him get better soon so I can get on with my life.
***
Finally, something makes sense. David tilted his head, seeing all kinds of medical equipment next to his bed. I’m in a hospital. But he had a hard time remembering why. Gradually, images began to coalesce in his mind. A car accident. A bad one from the amount of pain I’m in. He struggled to stay awake. I never saw it coming. The last thing he remembered was driving through a green light on the way to the KVL building for his first day on the job as sports anchor. The next thing he knew, he’d been plunged into a dim world of blinding pain and blurred thinking.
Seeing Merrie Ambrose changed all that. The image of her bending over him, the light in her hair, the concern in her eyes fixated in his mind. Her calm, capable presence put him at ease. His eyelids grew heavier. How did Merrie find me? And when is she coming back?
***
After her shift ended in the morning, Meredith took more care with her appearance, though she refused to question her reasoning. She wanted to see David before heading home—to assure her self of his well-being—and didn’t want to be wearing her uniform. After brushing and re-braiding her hair and touching up her make-up, she smoothed the folds of her aqua blue top with nervous fingers, dismayed he could still affect her this way. Take a deep breath, girl. You aren’t sixteen anymore. He’s just a patient who also happens to be an old acquaintance. That’s all.
When Meredith arrived in David’s unit, she hesitated, surprised to see several important-looking people around his room. A cameraman exited his room with a pretty blonde woman. Meredith recognized her as one of the reporters from the TV station where David would soon be working. When they passed her by, she heard them talking about the boost to ratings they would get from documenting David’s recovery.
Candy Stripers brought in several floral arrangements while more people emerged from his room. She noticed they came out with broad smiles, no doubt from David’s effusive charm. While thrilled with his quickening recovery, Meredith felt that old insecurity creeping back. When David was at the center of attention, she’d become peripheral.
Meredith leaned against the wall, ashamed at her petty thoughts. I’m just tired. It’s been an emotional night and I’m not thinking clearly. As much as she wanted to see David, her feet refused to step toward his room.
She noticed the stream of visitors had slowed for the moment. It would be a good opportunity to pop in, but he’d be exhausted from all the visitation and undoubtedly wanted to be left in peace. It’s probably better this way. With a lingering look at the door of his room, Meredith turned and walked back toward the exit.
***
Once home, Meredith busied herself with repairing the damage Bitsy had done to her backyard. Who knew an animal could make such a mess! Chewed shrubs, holes in the flowerbed, and other conspicuous evidence of a puppy’s presence kept her occupied all morning. It served the dual purpose of banishing uncomfortable thoughts—at least for a time.
Two hours later, Meredith washed up in her bathroom. When she caught sight of her disheveled appearance in the mirror, she took a closer look at her reflection. Are my eyes really periwinkle? I’ve always considered them gray, sometimes blue, depending on what I wear. The apple blossom skin description surely only applies when I wear makeup, because otherwise I’m pale as pasteurized milk.
And her hair. She was a true strawberry blonde, with long, naturally kinky curls. As a kid, she’d hated her unruly hair. Now she could appreciate its versatility and often wore it in a French braid or pinned back with a pretty clip. Okay, maybe my hair is my best feature—but the colors of the sunrise? Meredith tried to remember what medication David had been on, along with any possible side effects that might make him delusional.
She frowned at her mirror image. Who am I kidding? I’m completely un-extraordinary. Any appreciation my looks may engender are always diminished by my quiet—make that boring—disposition. After all, I’ve had like five dates in the last two years. Pathetic. Meredith blew out a ragged sigh, determined not to become depressed. I know of at least someone who needs me. She looked out into the bedroom to witness Bitsy running in circles, chasing his tail.
Even if that someone is really just a glorified hamster.
***
That evening, in the break room before the start of her shift, Meredith sat on the couch, staring into the middle distance. Should I see David before my shift or wait until after? Or not at all? Before leaving home, she’d seen a piece about him on the evening news. What had affected her the most was seeing David so alive, so vibrant once again. Her memories had been dull in comparison to the real thing.
They’d shown video of him smiling obligingly before the camera. He’d been surrounded by his admirers, promising a quick recovery, so the sports anchor he was replacing could get started with his retirement on the links. The woman reporter Meredith had seen earlier made a cutesy comment about the volume of email they were receiving on David’s behalf, primarily from female viewers. Meredith rolled her eyes. They were really milking this thing.
But they descended on him way too soon. He nearly died in a car accident, for crying out loud! Give the man time to heal before making him start granting interviews to the public at large.
Rosa entered the breakroom. “How’s it going, Mer?”
“Okay. How are you doing?”
She stretched. “Too pooped to pop. I can’t wait to hit the sheets.” She plunked down next to Meredith on the couch. “Have you heard the latest about our local celeb?”
Meredith shook her head. “Erin decided I was needed somewhere else. I haven’t been able to look at his chart to monitor his condition.”
Rosa smiled. “Well, he was my patient today and he’s doing fantastic. All his tests are coming back normal and if all goes well, he should be released in a week.”
“That’s great news.”
Rosa stood and opened her locker. After digging through her purse, she plugged a couple of coins into the soda machine. She popped the tab and gave Meredith a sidelong look. “By the way, he’s been asking for you. You didn’t tell me you knew him.”
Striving to ignore the flush of pleasure at Rosa’s words, Meredith stood. “Thanks, Rosa. I think I’ll head up there right now.”
***
Meredith entered the Med-Surg unit, aware of butterflies in her stomach. She smoothed a curl back into place and took a deep breath. When she looked up, she saw Erin just arriving at the desk.
“If your planning to visit your lover boy, don’t waste your time. Rosa said he’s sound asleep.”
Biting back a stinging retort, Meredith proceeded to his room anyway. Inside, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room. David was indeed asleep. She moved silently around the space, adjusting the blinds, tidying his table, and other automatic duties, glad general visiting hours were nearly over.
The air smelled sickly sweet from the floral arrangements crowding all the available space. She went to his bedside and pulled up a chair next to him. She sat with her chin in her hands and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, shutting her mind against a torrent of speculative thoughts.
David’s eyes opened. Meredith swallowed when his gaze zeroed in on her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said.
David reached out a hand to her. She scooted closer to the bed and enveloped his hand with her own, giving him a cautious smile.
“You’re not disturbing me. I was starting to wonder if I’d only imagined you.”
Meredith felt trapped by his searching gaze. Her heart lodged in her throat. “I... wasn’t sure if you’d remember me.”
A frown marred David’s brow. “Of course I remember you. I have great memories of our times together.”
She bit her lip, finding it difficult to hear over the pounding of her heart. Which memories?
He sent her a weak grin. “So you’re a nurse here? I think someone must’ve told me that.” At her nod, he squeezed her hand. “I always knew you’d do something noble with your life.”
Meredith lowered her gaze. “I heard about your new position at KVL.”
David motioned toward his knee with his other hand. “Now that soccer is a thing of the past, I’m glad to have something to fall back on...literally.” A wry smile tipped his mouth. “I guess I always knew my career would have to end someday. So I interned at a local TV station off-season for a few years after getting my degree in Broadcast Journalism. It’s coming in handy sooner than I thought, that’s all.”
Meredith heard a trace of sadness in his voice. Her mind floundered about for something encouraging to say.
David toyed with her fingers. “I’ve missed you, Merrie.”
She stiffened at the treacherous feelings his touch invoked. Oh, really? “I go by Meredith now.”
His smiled faltered. “I liked calling you Merrie, hoping you wouldn’t be so serious all the time. But it makes sense that no one seemed to know who I was talking about when I asked about you. They probably thought I meant M-A-R-Y.” He took a breath. “So, tell me what you’ve been up to besides ministering so graciously to the infirmed.”
Meredith colored under his gaze. Had he been aware of all her constant hovering while unconscious—of the caresses and whispered prayers? “Well, I um, work a lot, live in a house in an older neighborhood, and have been recently adopted by a stray puppy.” She shrugged. “You know me. Always the wild one of the bunch.”
David laughed. “You may have everyone fooled by that ‘quiet type’ personality, but I know the real Merrie Ambrose. Stubborn, opinionated, occasionally sweet and kind.”
“Well, I can see that you haven’t changed,” Meredith said, relaxing. “Always projecting your personality faults onto others.”
“Ouch! Still calling a spade a spade, I see. So, what about a husband and kids? Any of those in your life?”
She shook her head. “What about you?”
“Are you kidding? Who’d want a broken down has-been like me?”
Meredith smiled at his jest. She wondered how many proposals of marriage were included in all of that female fan mail the news spoke about.
She glanced at the clock on the wall. “My shift starts in a few minutes. And judging by the amount of visitors you’ve had today, you need your rest.”
“Are you still going to be taking my temperature?” he asked with a hint of his old flirtatiousness.
“Nope. I’m in a different unit now.”
“Can you visit me during your break?”
Meredith wondered if he really wanted to see her or if he poured on the charm out of habit. Luckily now I’m immune to it. “Because I work nights, you’re usually asleep during my break.”
“Then wake me up.”
“You’re recovering from a serious accident and need to rest, David. Besides, the other nurses’ won’t appreciate having me underfoot.” Especially, Erin.
David squeezed her hand. “Please, Merrie, you’re the only familiar face in this crowd. I’ll tell the nurses that I specifically requested your presence, that it’s necessary to my well-being.”
Meredith could only imagine how that would go over with Erin. But when could she ever say no to David Steller? She’d been there during his grief over losing his parents. She’d be here now—as long as she could stand it.
She smiled. “I’ll be back in a few hours then.”
“Thanks, Merrie.”
***
Meredith went about her rounds with an air of distraction, glad that the workload was lighter tonight. Talking with David affected her in a way she wouldn’t have imagined. Sure, she’d been a sucker for him in high school, but that was so long ago. A twelve year absence should’ve at least tempered the attraction—and heartbreak should’ve killed what was left.
I’ll have to be on guard and not interpret David’s friendliness and charm for something more—especially now when he’s so vulnerable and I’m familiar, convenient, and present. Of course, she’d do everything in her power to see him heal. Beyond that, she’d resist the impulse to open her heart to him again.
Meredith’s resolution was tested as her break neared. The desire to see David overwhelmed her. It didn’t matter that she’d scarcely thought of him over the past several years. He was back in her world, and for better or for worse, she had a need to see him. The moment her break began, she went to his room.
Meredith found him fast asleep, and decided not to honor his wishes by waking him up. She brought the chair close to bed and sat down, keeping her hands firmly in her lap. Gazing at his form, she found it hard to believe he was once again in her life, as intrusive as the first time, with as much aplomb as ever. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips.
She said a prayer for him, giving thanks that he survived the accident, as well for his continued recovery. After some hesitation, she included a prayer for herself, for wisdom of feelings, her ambivalence about him. It was almost a certainty that when he’d recovered, her usefulness would be at end and he’d cheerfully go on his way, unaware of the hurt he’d leave in his wake—just like before.
Having my heart broken over David Steller once is more than enough, thank you very much.
Four
By the time Meredith walked in the front door the next morning, she felt drained from the emotional battles she’d fought in her heart and mind. She craved sleep, sleep, and more sleep.
Bitsy greeted her with his usual enthusiasm and proceeded to roll over and do several of his tricks, seemingly needful of her praise. She felt a pang of guilt that he was home alone so much. She stopped to pet him, planning to take him to the park before her next shift.
After several wet puppy kisses that made it past her guard, Meredith opened the bag of Chinese food she’d bought on the way home from a twenty-four hour corner restaurant near the hospital. As she arranged a plate, she noticed the light on her answering machine flashing. Leaning across the kitchen counter, she hit the Play button with the end of a chopstick.
“Hi, my name is Clayton Roberts and I’m responding to your ad about the West Highland Terrier. I have reason to believe he’s the one we lost. Please give me a call…”
Meredith grabbed a pen and managed to scribble the phone number on a napkin before the message ended. She sank onto the chair, aware of the click and whir of the answering machine while it reset itself. Her appetite fled as the call exerted its full import.
Bitsy has to go away.
She glanced at him. The little dog lapped at his water dish, then looked up at Meredith with a dripping white beard. Bitsy would no doubt love anyone who feeds him and gives him a modicum of attention. There’s nothing special about me.
But even in the short time she’d had him, he’d eased the clinging feeling of loneliness permeating her life of late. For a minute, she fantasized Bitsy would reject this Clayton guy, staunchly remaining by her side. Or that Mr. Roberts would discover Bitsy was the wrong Westie.
Meredith sighed. I have to face the fact I’ll be dogless very soon. The vet had told her Bitsy was an expensive pure breed and most likely not a stray. A burning sensation developed behind her eyes and tears rolled down her face.
Bitsy scrambled onto her lap and burrowed into her arms while she sniffled. The familiar ache in her heart deepened when she thought about the loss of a relationship with David, past and future, the death of her parents, the work schedule that made it difficult to socialize. How much more will be taken away from me? Meredith knew her logic was flawed, but right now, all she could do was blubber like a baby.
***
An hour later, Meredith perched on the edge of the couch, waiting for the inevitable ring of the doorbell. On the phone, Mr. Roberts had correctly identified Bitsy’s age and told her about a heart-shaped birthmark on his tummy.
Bitsy, squeaky clean from a bath, stretched himself across her lap, giving her full access to that birthmark. Meredith absently rubbed his belly, trying to remember if she’d gathered all his things. She didn’t want any reminder of him left behind. Besides, she worried it might be unnatural to be so attached to an animal. Perhaps his absence would force her to develop more than nodding acquaintances with people.
She’d only been attending church haphazardly. Sunday mornings were difficult, due to fatigue. Since she never really caught up on her sleep for the remainder of the week, she found herself nodding off during the mid-week services.
The sound of the doorbell made Meredith jump. Bitsy dove off her lap and danced around the door, yapping wildly. When she opened the door, she found a dark-haired man wearing wire-framed glasses and distinctly yuppie attire. Beyond him she could see a white Mercedes parked behind her Saturn.
The man smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Clayton Roberts. You must be Ms. Ambrose.”
She shook his hand, noticing he had beautiful hazel eyes. She invited him inside her living room.
When Clayton saw Bitsy, he hunched down and held out his hand. “Do you remember me, Snowflake?” He glanced up at Meredith with a grin. “My daughter picked the name.”
Bitsy approached him and gave his hand a cautious sniff. When he licked his hand a bit, Clayton picked him up. Bitsy seemed content in his arms, his little pink tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Meredith bit her lip as a wave of sadness washed over her.
“This is wonderful,” he said. “My daughter will be thrilled. She’s cried herself to sleep every night since he disappeared.” He gave the dog a gentle pat on the head. “I was gone on a business trip when it happened and wasn’t able to check the paper until I returned. And my father thought Snowflake had been stolen, so he didn’t check either.” He sent Meredith a warm smile. “Thank you, Ms. Ambrose for being willing to give him up. I can see you’ve taken excellent care of him.”
She stretched her mouth upward, but her smile felt more like a grimace. “No problem. I’m glad your little girl will have him back.” She motioned toward the kennel and bag full of his food, leash, and toys.
“I had signs posted in my neighborhood offering a reward—”
Meredith shook her head. “No thank you. I'm just glad he's going back to his real home.”
She gave Bitsy one last pat on the head before Clayton walked out the door. Waving while he drove away, she reminded herself this was for the best. A little girl’s world will be right again. I’m an adult, accustomed to change. I’m mature. I can deal with it.
Fleetingly, she considered going to the mall and buying another puppy, but in the next moment, decided against it. Part of Bitsy’s appeal was that he’d come to her. At the time she’d considered him a blessing from the Lord. Now, he seemed to represent just another disappointment.